Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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