You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
