AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
