My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize