My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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