I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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