I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
