This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
