i love accidental penises.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize