did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
