A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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