I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
