I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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