My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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