I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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