thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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