Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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