my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
