i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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