Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
