if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
literally had 100 drinks last night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
