This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Holy shit dude........stairs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
