it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
