shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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