Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
