I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
