She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
