Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
