You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
