Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
