so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
