I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
