I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
