The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
