I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
