alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
