Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
