I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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