ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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