She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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