captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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