If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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