just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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