Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
