i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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