That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
