I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
