i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
