One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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