My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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