so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
