Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm always down for nudity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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