We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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