i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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