Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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