i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.