Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
