the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.