Sry I called you an 8
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
