Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

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  (603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol http://tfl.nu/nbdg
  Replies (28) Good night (6077) Bad night (696)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"

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  (812): just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer" http://tfl.nu/i06z
  Replies (29) Good night (1244) Bad night (9671)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.

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  (937): Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls. http://tfl.nu/2r1d
  Replies (9) Good night (835) Bad night (3768)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop

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  (330): If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop http://tfl.nu/zan9
  Replies (18) Good night (757) Bad night (2685)
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  (310): View more from California

  Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.

  (310): View more from California

  Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.

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  (310): Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her. (310): Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse. http://tfl.nu/0qfy
  Replies (18) Good night (4706) Bad night (1802)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"

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  (641): and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger" http://tfl.nu/o631
  Replies (20) Good night (5798) Bad night (2080)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.

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  (203): Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good. http://tfl.nu/s47l
  Replies (3) Good night (1007) Bad night (2610)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.

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  (609): Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there. http://tfl.nu/x13b
  Replies (5) Good night (849) Bad night (2185)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

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  (845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs
  Replies (4) Good night (2512) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.

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  (254): The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight. http://tfl.nu/ef2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1533) Bad night (1182)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.

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  (907): Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig. http://tfl.nu/jc5y
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (1028)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.

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  (309): I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina. http://tfl.nu/4eep
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week

  (1-415): View more from California

  I don't deserve you.

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  (415): I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week (1-415): I don't deserve you. http://tfl.nu/jnri
  Replies (6) Good night (2315) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...

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  (859): I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint... http://tfl.nu/nvoy
  Replies (6) Good night (589) Bad night (1579)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.

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  (864): I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it. http://tfl.nu/k0l9
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (158)

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