At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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