i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
