I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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