Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
