I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
