Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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