I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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